Interactions – Part 3

April 2, 2017 by Scott Del Mastro 3 Comments

Interactions – Part 3

To recap, Part 1 challenged us to take count and be aware of what interaction opportunities we were missing. Then, Part 2 moved us from concept to action by making a plan and then start acting upon it. Noting that both were developed with the intent of helping others realize that they were not alone and that help, togetherness and community are always right there with the people we come across. And finally, Part 3 below hypothesizes that the interactions that we engage in actually might change the way we see the people we interact with and the way they see us helping us all to grow in our ability to relationship and build each other up.

Let’s get started. I want to look at our interactions from the perspective of physiology and how our insides and outsides might be altered based on the interactions we experience. In Part 1 I mentioned a movie that reminded me of Groundhog Day with Bill Murray – The 12 Dates of Christmas by Director James Hayman. In this movie there was a scene that sparked the thought for this post. In it, the main character realized that she had direct influence on the people that she interacted with, in that she could change the direction or state of mind of the people she interacted with based on the intent she had going into the interaction and the words and actions she used within the engagement. Which, I would guess, we have all experienced to some degree through observation after some of our past interactions. That is, if I went into an interaction with a pessimistic attitude, then the person I interacted with was effected differently than if I had gone into the interaction with an optimistic attitude. This seems obvious, right? But I think our attitude and intentions going into an interaction changes us more than we realize. I think it might change us at a molecular level as well, which is another level of growth toward impacting those around us.

For me this can be illustrated by a statement from Dr. Wayne Dyer. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urQPraeeY0w

If this is the case, and we (you and I) do have the capacity to change purposefully, intentionally, and even physiologically, then we really need to consider changing the way in which we look at things and our approach to future interactions. But of course, you have to decide under which umbrella you want to build your interactional intentions – to build up or to tear down. For me, this is best illustrated by a poem written by Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

Let’s assume for the sake of this post that we chose to “build up”. It is, then, at this point where our journey will begin and we start taking action toward our very next interaction so as not to miss a single opportunity to build up the people we are going to come across next. When we purposefully and actively begin to seek out our next interaction with excitement and shed the skin of doubt, we can start the process of changing the world.

Program Your Day with an Action Statement

Phase Three – Do It: Start with yourself at the very first conscious moment in the morning. Making an “action” statement, based on your goals set in Phase Two, to yourself right when the alarm goes off in the morning. So that the first thing you hear is the action that you are going to take in how you want your day to go. Personally, I have changed the way I speak to myself from the first sound of the alarm in the morning I cannot wait to fill my head with the possibilities of the day. This is not to say that I never have conflicting feelings and emotions right out of the gate, of course I do, I am human, and it has not been easy to train myself to think and speak to myself this way. I have fumbled quite often and fought and am fighting myself on an exhausting number of occasions, but I am determined, as I am sure you will be too, to win the battle and impact the world around me.

After you go through this process or as you are going through this process, let me know what things you learned, what challenges you faced and what fumbles you had so that others will know that they are not alone in their fumbling and that if we all keep fumbling and succeeding we will make the world a better place.

Until we meet again…..build up, don’t tear down.

Interactions – Part 2

February 12, 2017 by Scott Del Mastro Leave a Comment

Interactions – Part 2

In Interactions Part 1 I pointed out some ideas on how to become more aware of the number of interaction opportunities you have available to you every day, by tracking them (via a log sheet or memory/gut feel), so that you can move from a “have to” interact with someone to a “get to” interact with someone attitude or perspective. Once you are aware of the opportunities, you can begin the planning stage below.

Planning for Interaction Opportunities

Phase Two – Planning: Now that you know the potential, review the list of opportunities and decide what might be the best way to engage with each. Set interaction goal(s) – number of interactions per day or creating a record of the exact opening phrases that you used to start interactions or improve your physical proximity to potential interactions (sit closer to someone on the bus as an example) or count the number of times you miss the opportunity to look at someone and say hello. There are hundreds of goals you can set. Setting these goals will help you be more prepared for your first interaction with each person or opportunity.

Keep it Simple

Do not over complicate this process. It is easier to just start with something simple. That is, a simple “hello” should do the trick. This can be challenging for some, and not so much for others, but is the easiest way to get the ball rolling. For those that are more comfortable with direct people interactions, push yourself to do more. Engage in a more meaningful conversation or go deeper with the questions that you ask.

Yes, I realize that in the case of the two movies I used as analogies in Interactions – Part 1 the actors got “do-overs” every time that things didn’t go well, but this is part of shedding the skin of doubt and fear, you have to practice and the practice needs to start now not later. And even though you don’t get a “do-over” like they do in the movies every time you make a mistake, you do gain experience for the next go-round.

Don’t place the emphasis on the mistake (that’s a debilitating trap), but rather, understand that fumbling some interactions “is” part of the formula for making this process work. You will fumble, but NOT always, and NOT forever. And like anything, with practice you will find a comfort level, and with a comfort level your confidence level will grow and your interactions will increase and the quality of those interactions will improve and your impact on the world through the people around you will be felt. It will be worth it.

So, get going and start planning how you will be engaging with the people that you meet. Take notes on what challenges you had when going through the goal setting process and determining how you were going to manage any perceived challenges of engagement that you thought might occur, and also, any successes that you discovered going through this phase. Then finally, check out my next post Interactions – Part 3 – Taking Action where I encourage you to take the first planned step that will lead to the next and the next and the next. See you then.

Interactions – Part 1

January 21, 2017 by Scott Del Mastro Leave a Comment

Interactions – Part 1

How we decide to interact with one another determines the quality of our relationships – the better the quality, the stronger the impact. How do you want to change the world? The following are a few ideas of how you can start to change your world and the world around you.

One night during the Christmas holiday my wife and I had an open evening alone at the house. The kids were off doing things on their own so we got to decide what we wanted to do with this unexpected time together. Long story short, we mutually agreed to plop down on the couch and watch a movie – exciting stuff right? After scrolling through the Netflix library, which can be very challenging at times, we settled on a Christmas Holiday movie that you would have found on the Hallmark Channel in Christmas past.

Like the Groundhog Movie

It was titled The 12 Dates of Christmas by Director James Hayman, the basic premise was that of one of my favorite movies – Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Truth be told, initially we chose the movie because it was my time to sacrifice and take one for the team as my wife usually will watch a more action based movie that I like to watch, so I took the hit and sadly went in pessimistically (something I need to work on). At any rate, I had a bowl full of popcorn, I was sitting on the couch with my beautiful wife and I got to watch a movie – not bad – so I shut my mouth and pressed on.

It started out predictably, but as I surrendered and the movie began to capture my thoughts and heart I realized the premise was exactly like Groundhog Day and I was hooked. If you are unfamiliar with the storyline from Groundhog Day, it is simple. The main character was resigned to repeat the same exact day over and over again until he got the day right. Now, we could have long discussions on what “right” means, but for the purpose of this blog post, right will mean helping others realize that they are not alone and that help, togetherness and community are always right there with the people you come across. The trick is finding a way to break through the cellophane barrier that tends to stand between us and other people. This barrier can present itself through doubt, fear, comfort level, perceived time constraints, laziness, unawareness, etc. All of these types of things can get in the way of a person making a conscious decision to interact.

This conscious decision to interact, for me, was the main point of the two movies. If the main characters did not interact in the right way, they had to do the day over again – until they got it right. However, as the characters character changed the helping verbs “had to” shifted to “got to”. Bam!!!! Don’t miss this point! It is incredibly powerful and the key to shifting our ability to impact our world. Because after the characters in the movie went through the 5 steps of grief/denial (1. Denial and Isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance) several times and finally ended on true, not selfish, acceptance, they were able to move to the “got to” option, and started effecting lasting change, not only in their life, but in the lives of others.

Awareness

The first step, in my experience, should be awareness. Shifting your attention to things that you might not have known were there all along. To help in the process I suggest the following Phases…

Phase One – Opportunity Identification: Quantify the number of interaction opportunities that you have in a given week. Become aware of all of the opportunities that you have during a given day and record that number for a week. As you make this a daily goal you will become more aware of potential opportunities you have to affect change in your world if you choose to. There are more opportunities than you realize. Just start to count from the moment your eyes open to the moment they close at night. Count yourself, your significant other, your children, your friends, your taxi driver, your fellow workers, the people at the coffee shop, the drivers in the car next to you, the person sitting next to you on the train, etc. etc. etc. If you already know the potential opportunities, then you should move to the next phases as soon as possible, and get started.

Let’s check-in in my next post, Interactions – Part 2, and start the planning phase so that we can move from awareness to action. See you then.